Why is it so difficult to do what I know I need to do??

Disclaimer: This article does not answer the question from the title and takes on its own flow.

I was feeling the writer’s block thinking, “what can I write about. I got nothing.” ..but do I really have nothing? Are you sure?

..and then my handy dandy friend said, write about your current struggle.

The struggle is this: NOT DOING WHAT I OUGHTA BE DOING. And what is that exactly? Well, currently it’s to be sharing my thoughts to the world via blog posts.

Over the years the universe/god/whichever gives us little bite size, sometimes barely noticeable, pieces as clues to remind you and me of who we really are.

Most of my life my depression always stemmed from, “what’s my damn purpose?“. And as I’m seeking answers in all the ‘wrong’ ways, I was getting those bite sized clues. They came in the form of people – friends, sister, acquaintances – who complimented me. Not to toot my own horn but to clarify, I heard things like:

“you’re reflective”
” insightful”
“wise”
“thanks for the advice”
“you are a breath of fresh air”
“you have a big heart”
“contemplative”
“introspective”
“you’re a joy to be around”
“you’re great with people”

You might be wondering how do I remember all of that? Well when you’re in a state of low self esteem on a regular basis like I was, you decide to log nice things people say to you so you can remind yourself, “see, you’re not as bad as you thought you were, remember what this person said

Now that I have some clarity to this enigmatic thing we call a life purpose, I’ve realized it doesn’t mean I can’t fall into funks still. Case in point, this past week. I was in a funk and it was strong. It kinda went like this: “I’m going to share my thoughts through blog posts. Oh joy, the clarity! Finally! ..Op now I gotta do the work -_-” aka planning, writing, etc.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have now come to the next layer of my block: RESPONSIBILITY and COMMITMENT. Oh boy.


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