It’s amazing to think that in my school years, I was so self conscious of my writing to the point where in school if I were assigned a 1 page paper I would feel so much panic. On top of that, I had to pretend to act normal because why on earth would I want to expose myself to adults or peers of how I really felt. I really felt alone in this ‘defect’ of feeling behind compared to everyone around me.
Believing I was unable to write and the thoughts of not feeling smart enough would overwhelm me. Even to this day I don’t know how I passed school. I did somehow pass so maybe it wasn’t that bad or the teachers cut me some slack, who knows.
Yet, somehow, here I am comfortably blogging about whatever topic comes to mind.
Thinking about it now, I wish I could go back to my younger self to instill positive belief in her because I realize that was largely the missing key. No one was there doing that for me. I recognize that was what I needed at the time.
This is likely the reason now why I feel a strong pull towards giving inspiration, instilling belief, or saying whatever I can when I see someone that needs a boost. I feel that deep down each of us know that we are unique and offer something of value and in moments when someone needs that reminder, there are people out there like me who would be very happy to remind you of that.
How many of us reading this are holding unto a self belief that’s cutting off the flow to keep us separated from the action necessary to take us towards our dream life?
I find it fascinating that at two different points in life I can have two totally different outcomes. In my grade school years I was terrified of writing assignments for fear of being exposed as the dumb one and in my current now I’ve decided to start this blog.
I mean what changed? What happened in between that time?
The fear of being exposed as not smart enough didn’t begin to dissipate until after I graduated college. The desire for reading was percolating about midway through college and the desire was in full blown active mode in my mid twenties; I was reading every self help informational book I could.
And if someone were to ask me how the turn around happened to now have the self belief in writing, I would say it was during the time I was endlessly reading. Reading did two things: 1. provide knowledge and 2. it gave me the confidence that maybe I could write just like all the authors whose books I was reading.
I don’t who you are but if you have a desire to write, I don’t care what level of ability you are at now, having the desire means you are meant to write and it’s just waiting for the time when you ready yourself, whatever that means for you.
Another way to put it is, if you have a desire for [insert desire here] that means you’re meant to have it even if it feels like your miles away from having it. The two ingredients to complete the recipe are self belief and baby steps. Think of a baby taking steps. Thats you. Have compassion for yourself.